Time has passed once again and things have changed. After coming home from my awesome time in Vic, the rat race and stress bath begin. It was like I had let the ball completely drop in Calgary, while I kept cruising in Victoria. Frustration, anger and sadness seem to peak when I think about it, because how could I have been working on myself, doing something I know was going to further my dream of getting back on my feet and becoming a better me, taking time to be apart of something good, then when I stop and change gears just a little I get slammed. But I have to let it go, I can't change it now and all of it must have happened for a reason.

But what I truly wanted to write about tonight was my discussion with another lady, and the ideas that arose from it, even the assignment I'm currently working on. On Tuesday of last week I went and saw the lovely Linda, I don't see her often, but it is great when I get the chance, she teaches me a lot about who I am, and how I think.

Anyways when I got there she said to me 'Melissa you seem truly happy, there's a glow about you, What's different?' she had even called me 'Hey Gorgeous', when we said hello at first, and you know that always makes a girl glow brighter. So I went on to tell her about Victoria and my experiences there, how amazing it was, what good people were there and how I truly missed them the moment the plane wheels left the ground. She asked me 'Have you considered moving to Victoria, considered trying out University of Victoria?', her son goes there, and I could see how much she was missing him in her eyes as we were speaking. I explained how I was considering it, but it just didn't seem to fit now, how it was expensive, how I felt I couldn't abandon my parents, and my friends who have supported me throughout this whole journey. Linda in her wiseness, said 'First of all those all seem like excuses and second they all seem like ones that involve the happiness of others being put first and not yours'. Linda has always told me that my giving hand is 110%, while my receiving hand is about 40%. I think somedays that is why I came down this pathway, to realize it was okay to receive good from others and just say thank you, not feel necessary to always pay them back with something. A simple thank you does suffice sometimes. I'm currently overwhelmed by the giving hands that surround me, my Mom's good friend the wonderful Lorna had sent a letter to the Mavericks, a group of upstanding business men who get together to support and have a good time together. Lorna told them my story again, which keep in mind they already knew, as they had been so kind to support me in getting a van to travel in, and asked them if they would help me with a standing frame. Lorna had also sent them the link of my video while I was at Path, and they were so happy that they decided to support me again. It makes me laugh and blush and feel embarrassed everytime I talk with those wonderful men, they support me with all their hearts, there is even one man who, as his wife tells me, wears the bracelet more than their wedding ring. Thats a kick in the gut for sure. And on top of that Mom and Dad found a spin bike, and we hope to try it out soon. Graeme and his family have come back into my life, and Shay too, which I am so happy for. I know they never left before, but I owe them all a huge apology, because the relationships I had before with them were only one way. 100% them and nothing from me, which does not define good friendship. I hope I can maintain something better this time with all of them. I am really appreciating being able to be there for Shay, it feels like that good friend piece of me is starting to return.
But back to my conversation with Linda, we talked for awhile about the families, then I told her about my stress and she pointed out my one personality factor I truly want to change; perfectionist. I am one so much so sometimes I am blind to it. And when I think about it even more now I see how truly hypocritical I am being. When I talk to friends and family who are setting expectations of themselves, or feeling down about who they are, I always tell them they are doing what they need to do in that moment for that moment perfectly, that there is no perfect person in this world and at the same time they are the picture of perfection in the fact that they are a human being wilingly going on this journey of life.

So I have some things to work on, isn't it the best working on yourself(yes I'm being sarcastic!), but it is the biggest pay off in the end. Let's see where it all that work get's this Mel mind body and soul.