Long Time Coming

Wow, it seems like forever since the last time that I wrote, but that feeling like I just can't breathe is back again, that choking, gasping for breath has returned. But really I shouldn't be surprised, considering I have no space to call my own anymore, I have very few moments where I am alone to be in my own head, and anything I believe to be meaningful one minute is torn down the next.

Drama Queen; yes I confess to be the text book definition some days, but for more reason then one the sun just isn't shining quite as bright as it used too. A happy moment only lasts for a few minutes, then its cast aside and either anger or sadness penetrates. Perhaps that is the reason why I spend so much time dreaming of the past, especially before my world descided to crumble further. It just seemed so good before, the last few weeks were some of the many highlights in my memory bank. Particularily the day before, I remember the moment, the first moment in my life where I felt like everything was together, I felt beautiful and loved. My friends surrounded me, laughing and joking, it was like I'd tuned out for a moment, frozen, the sounds dissipating to nothing, happiness and gorgeous colors were the only things left, thats all that was necessary. What I'd give to get back there I truly don't know, but that's just another question on the mel mind.