Kicking It

I haven't written for awhile, for two reasons really. One being the lack of time, and two being that I just hadn't felt like it. I think because writing meant that time had passed, that things had changed, memories had been made. And perhaps I had wished that those beautiful moments could have lasted longer, could have slowed down so time passed tangibly. But that isn't reality, so it's time to write about the beautiful moments I've had and realize that the rate at which they occured was just as they should have.

My last day with JJ and Jason is a little muddled in my memory banks now, however I know it was filled with happiness. The gym was constantly busy that day, with people coming and going, and if I remember correctly the wall had been knocked down and the room had already been re-arranged. When Mom and I first got there Trina was in the standing frame, I had commented 'Did you sleep there all night?' and she smiled that quiet-graceful smile I had seen many times before, so gentle and focussed. The flooring was wet and JJ was pooring sweat from speed mopping the floor. We chatted for awhile and then JJ asked me what table I wanted to work on, I wheeled to the table we had been working on all week, seeking the comfort of a familiar space, knowing it may be a more emotional workout, as it was our last for a time. JJ shuffled me forward, closer to the edge of my chair, so my feet were planted in front of the foot plate. I fumbled awkwardly to try and help, but then I let go, found my balance and waited with goofy Jason behind me while JJ set up the camera. When JJ came back he put the boulster between my legs like I was going to stand, we tried to do a stand and pivot, but it wasn't in me, and my knees crumpled underneath me, perhaps just too much to ask. From there I know JJ and I did our usual check and talked a bit, what about I can't recall, my mind was somewhere else already, but when JJ and Jason moved me over to the total gym I refocussed, if only slightly. I had some good movements, and I remember JJ nodding his head in approval a few times, but then our first section was done. Jordon the Dude came in, Lea and Romi, and everyone switched places and roles. I gave Lea a hug as I sat at the edge of the table, before me and Jason got down to an incredible workout. We sat against the wall for a shorter time, then worked on the boulster lying flat, doing a few painful, yet super effective arm movements. No matter the movement of my arms that day, I could feel the work I was doing, ripple through each muscle. My favourite though was doing chin ups, chest presses and sit ups. I could feel the power within my body rise to full again, the wanting to show strength and power returned within my mind. I could have done a full workout of those three excercises for the full 2 hours. We finished off with the cobra, which was so relaxing, I felt so free with my back and shoulders touching nothing, feeling a elongating release of my mid and lower back muscles. While Jason and I had been powering it up, JJ had been playing with Jordon, creating movements like crazy, the Dude was at full power, all four battery bars charged and ready to use. JJ was sweating so bad, he said 'I'll never wear a cotton t-shirt again' and I laughed. I can't remember what we did on the matt, but I remember being on the bike, feeling some what slippery and unsure in my seating, and I could feel my legs, but it wasn't the same, I know that just knowing I wasn't going to be in that space with those people for some time was reeking havock on my focus. We went to the standing frame after, I remember JJ putting my shoes on and saying to JJ 'You look tired, you must be tired' and he replied 'Don't create my world for me' in a tone I hadn't heard before. A burst of anger ran through me, and then I let it go, understanding what he meant. Once we got up fully, I remember dancing for a bit, but the room was so full with people, the noise and the tv was so distracting, that the next part I remember is being in my chair, Jason giving me a beautiful-warm hug and kiss on the cheek and then JJ asking me to speek about my experiences during the weeks to the camera. Suddenly everyone had left, quiet had returned, and JJ started walking around tidying up. I could feel the tears coming and my throat shutting, what do you say to a camera? JJ walked me through it by asking questions thank goodness. I did squeek my voice a few times, and choke back tears more than once. But saying those words to the camera only reaffirmed that my time there was up, that I was going back home to carry on. Time went on for awhile, I remember a few other things, like the overwhelming feel of almost bursting into tears in Joanne's car, but I didn't and we made it back to the hotel. Just like I made it home now.

I've worked out with Mom a few times, and being on the floor is great, I've almost kicked Dad a few times before dinner, and I've made a clang while kicking pots in the pantry. The most beautiful moment was when Taz came up to me while I was on my knees with Mom in front of me, he stood beside me, snuck his head under my arm and hand, like he used to when I'd come home from work. He stood and sat beside me for awhile while I petted him. He rotated placing his head on my legs, then my tummy and back again. I knew it was a sure sign that this Mel mind, body and soul was back on the right path once again.