Tired of Being Tired

It's hit the year mark, and my wish, my unrealistic hope hasn't come true. I wanted so badly to wake up and have everything back to how it was. I mean I didn't need to go back in time, I know thats not possible, but to have my body back; me back. My mind, body and soul have all been displaced, they're incongruent. One says one thing, the other does something else, while the other thinks something completely different.

I look in the mirror and see a tired, disheveld girl, with bruises and scars that she doesn't even know belong to her. Her eyes have shrunk, the light within them faded, her mouth tiny, dainty to the point where its so small it looks like it hasn't been used in years, skin has lost its shine, now pale and sickly. Its all I see, I look in the mirror and then I look at my grad picture and see a woman, not a girl, a lady with confidence and intelligence. It hurts more when I know the pictures were taken a day before the accident. How can time just crush the spirit right out of a human being? It seems like I've aged in body, yet rewound to be an insecure little girl again, running to mommy and daddy for anything and everything. I've had to focus for a year now on just surviving physically, and it's agony. I'm tired of just trying to survive, I was living before and I was beautiful and confident and strong, now all that seems to be erased.

I look at that picture everyday, longing for myself, wishing to be that beautiful woman again who looked as though she could have saved the world. But this new life, if I can call it that is draining me of every ounce of my soul left, I feel I've resorted to just being physical and my body is working overtime. I'm tired of saying I'm tired, I'm tired of using it as an excuse, I'm tired of hurting, I'm tired of wallowing, I'm tired of hearing people say 'You look tired'(it's so insulting, especially when I know I look it already, it's the last thing I want to hear), I'm tired of hiding, I'm tired of pain, but most of all I'm just tired of being tired. It's ruining me. Just another day in the mel mind.